Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Never make a woman angry!


A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to
greet her, she peeked through the gates and saw a beautiful banquet table.

Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and
who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her,
"Hello. How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman
and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.  "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.  And
then I won the multi-state lottery.  I sold the little house you and I lived in
and bought a huge mansion.  And my wife and I traveled all around the world.  We
were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today.  I fell and hit my
head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", she replied.

Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry . . . there will be Hell to pay!


NB: The longest word currently listed in the Oxford dictionary is the supposed
lung-disease pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (45 letters).

Now you've learned a new word

Installation of LOVE


Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?
 
 
Customer Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

8 Way video card

It's gadgets like this Matrox 8-way video card -- which lets you drive eight 2560 x 1600 displays at once -- that make me think seriously about going back to a desktop machine and abandoning laptops. If only I could find 1) room for eight displays and 2) a graceful way of using the home partition on my laptop as my desktop's home partition as well, without sacrificing speed (NFS), or having to reboot each time I sit down.

The Matrox M9188 PCIe x16 multi-display Octal graphics card addresses the need to visualize large amounts of data at once in order to effectively make decisions. The latest offering from the M-Series family is the world's first single-slot PCIe x16 octal card, featuring the ability to support both DisplayPort and DVI Single-Link outputs to ensure wide compatibility with today's monitors. With 2 GB of memory and advanced desktop management features, such as independent or stretched desktop modes, the M9188 drives energy, transportation, process control, financial trading, and other mission-critical environments with extraordinary performance.

The Difference Between Grapes and Wine

During the French occupation of Syria a French Army Officer invited some Syrian dignitaries to a dinner. One of the invitees was an old Sheikh with his white beard. When the French officer saw the old Sheikh eating with his fingers, he asked:"Why are you not eating like us?"
The Sheikh replied: "Do you see me eating with my nose?"
The French officer replied: " I mean, why don't you use a fork and a knife?"
The Sheikh replied: "I am sure of the cleanliness of my hand, but are you sure of the cleanliness of your fork and knife?"
This shut the French officer up, but he made up his mind to get vengeance on the old Sheikh. At the dinner, the wife of the French officer was sitting to his right, and daughter to his left. The French officer, to spite the man of God, asked for wine to be brought, and proceeded to pour for himself, his wife and daughter, and proceeded do drink in a way to annoy the Sheikh.
He asked him: "Listen O Sheikh, you like grapes, and eat them, don't you?"
The Sheikh replied in the affirmative.  The French officer continued talking, pointing towards the grapes, hoping to beat the old Sheikh:"This drink is from these grapes, so why do you eat the grapes, but keep far from the wine?"
All the guests looked at the old Sheikh, (feeling that he would have no reply for this). The Sheikh, calmly replied: "This is your Wife, and this, your Daughter, is from her. So how is it that your Wife is legitimate for you but your Daughter is not?"
It is said that the French officer immediately ordered for the wine to be removed from the table.

Friday, 27 May 2011

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